Be a good citizen!

Remember those silly old how-to videos of the 50’s? Those ridiculous, over-the-top, “dating do’s and don’ts,” “personal hygiene is important,” “what to do when the A-bomb hits” films? Boy, were they stupid.

But they worked. The 50’s saw an unprecedented breakout of minding our manners, respecting our elders, and coloring inside the lines.

I am certainly no conformist, but I continue to grow increasingly appalled at the lack of civility we see from folks in politics, in the media, and among ourselves.

We desperately need an update of those stupid old good-citizen movies. We need to consciously model better behavior. Don’t think so? Spend a weekend watching VH1 and see how people are treating each other these days.

“I’m not here to make friends,” you hear contestants say in every episode of every reality show. No, they’ve got plenty of friends. They’re there for … Camera exposure? Love? Attention? The answer, rarely given, is always a lie.

We need a “tell the truth” film. Mandatory viewing for all Americans.

It sounds Maoist. Even as I type the words “mandatory viewing” I plan a revolt against the idea. So maybe we should make it “mandatory airing.”

Yep, that’s the answer: We need our media to act responsibly, as if they give a crap what becomes of this country. Because in the absence of good role-modeling, everyday human interaction is devolving into the Jerry Springer Show.

People are forgetting how to be nice. Yet if something awful happens, like an earthquake in Haiti, people rush in to help any way they can. On a more personal level, if you happen to fall into conversation with a fellow humanoid, you usually discover that you’re talking to a nice person. And you know YOU’RE a nice person – so why aren’t we all nice?

We need a “be nice” film. Mandatory airing for all media.

It sounds Maoist. I’m a big believer in that First Amendment and don’t approve of forcing an official government message down our throats. But there has to be some mechanism to entice media to offer an entertaining presentation of uplifting values in the midst of the thugs and sluts and gangstas and hos.

Broadcasting stations have to keep a public file documenting their contributions to the general welfare when their F.C.C. licenses come up for renewal. It is, after all, “the public airwaves,” and they broadcast on them at our pleasure.

The only problem is that these days most media come to us along other routes, not on waves floating in our common air. Thus, we lack that stick with which to flog them into delivering more positive messages. But even in the old-school public-airwaves, most local stations “donate” 30 or 60 minutes here and there, at ungodly, unprofitable hours, to this or that religious organization, and call it their contribution to the public good.

That works for the F.C.C. but it never did work for me, being an atheist and all. Most religious people don’t even believe an atheist is capable of being a good, moral person. And yet, I have never killed a single one of them.

We need a “don’t discriminate against atheists” film.

Yeah, I know. This time I’ve gone too far.

Here’s the FCC web page on broadcast license standards.